The more, the merrier

First, I would like to apologise for the recent dearth of posts. It is due to the sporadic nature of power supply in my area. At first, I was in denial (and I had to charge my phone at all costs, even walking about with my charger), but now, I have become inured to my predicament, I am now in acceptance, and as such, I don’t even walk about with my phone any longer. What’s the point? Who is calling me sef? Besides, 1 less swollen pocket equals 1 less target for a mugger.
But all that is beside the point. Let’s go to the business of today.
Preamble-lessly, allow me to say that the banking system in Ibadan state has one major problem – Too few bank branches. As a result, the available branches are always filled to the security doors at any given working hour on a week day. Since I don’t really go INTO banks (that much), I thought little of the situation inside.
However, the crowds inside have permeated the security doors and have now spread outside. The queues for cash withdrawals at ATMs are now unbearably long.
Today, after standing for close to 20 minutes the ATM gallery at Keystone bank, it got to my turn and the ATMachine informed me (very callously, I should add) that it cannot accept my card (since it was from another bank, I guess). The Unsympathetic no-feelings-having twit!
I moved to Ecobank, where I didn’t even have to bother going past the gate. There was no point. The line from the machine (in the bank premises) had extended to the gate. I waited there for another 15 minutes before I was finally able to withdraw money.
Now, with all my experience at ATM queues, I have decided to share with us, results of research. A sort of classification, if you will. The different kinds of people you meet at ATM queues in Ibadan.
The First is the Artisan, or the Trader. He/She is usually illiterate and doesn’t know how to operate the machine, and always calls for help, only touching the machine when he/she needs to enter his/her pin, with the assisting fellow doing all the work.
The Second kind is the ‘Soji guy/girl’. This guy is always smartly dressed, in his twenties and never utters a word to another person on the queue. The ‘Soji guy’ is on the phone most of the time. (If he is actually connected to a person on another line, I cannot say, for sure.)
The Third group of persons is Mr. Impatient. Mr Impatient is most often middle-aged, grumpy, always telling everyone how useless the particular bank is, or how he is just coming from another bank and didn’t spend up to 5 minutes. In short, Mr. Impatient lays out his whole day’s itinerary for the world to hear, without even knowing it. Ironically, Mr. Impatient always manages to stay put (on the queue) until it gets to his turn.
Also, we have the Techie. The techie always knows what the problem is. If someone has been in front of the machine screen for longer than 2minutes, he knows exactly what happened. From the back, without even seeing what’s on the screen, he shouts, “E te enter now?” “Se Mastercard ni card yen sha/ is that card mastercard?” “Are you sure you have changed your pin?” “Hope the card is not scratched”, “Try Access bank, they collect Visa there”
The fifth kind of person is Mr. Grouchy. Mr Grouchy’s face loses colour when a person decides to withdraw more than once at a time. “Oga, allow other people to collect too na?”
We also find corpers at ATM queues. (Yep corpers have their own category.) They act and dress very similarly to ‘Soji guys’ when they’re not wearing the uniform and you can differentiate them by the Kind of English they speak when they’re on the phone (corpers speak better) and the fact that corpers rarely withdraw amounts greater than N5,000 at once.
There are also ‘the Showoffs’ who withdraw substantial sums (20-40k) and have trouble concealing it. They flaunt it, count it or whatever so that you can know that, yes, we have money. (Their ogas probably sent them to collect it o) 😀
Very rarely, we find the ‘Classy Madame’ who comes in company of her PA or maid (as the case may be), not minding any other person, instead, instructing the lesser lady the entire time.
The Security guards (staff of the bank) may also double as ‘Techies’.
The Last kind of persons we may find, although, not exactly ON the queue are the supplicants (or more correctly, the mendicants). In case you don’t yet understand, I refer to the ‘fine bara’ guys. If you still don’t understand, forget it (you’re obviously too ‘tush’). The mendicant tells you of how he has to get to Lagos very urgently, and how he lost all his money, or was robbed, or how her child is sick and she must get drugs at once, or some othe sad story like that (you get the gist sha). The mendicant always stays outside the Bank premises in wait. (Personally, I feel it’s just such horrible luck. I mean, how else can you explain the fact that you get robbed EVERY SINGLE DAY? Brother, your case requires prayer, not money.)

Thank you for reading!!
🙂
PS: What category are you in?

Bye Bye Ibadan

It’s good to have you here again.

Welcome.

I know I have been inconsistent with posting on this blog *covers face*, but I think I owe it to you to do this last post.

Here we go……

So recently, I joined a committee that oversaw a project for the renovation of Ikolaba High school’s library and was able to effectively participate in the transformation of the Library.
The New (renovated) Library was commissioned two days ago. (Pics below).

Very importantly, yesterday (*ghen ghen*), IbadanKopa ceased to be a corper.

Daaaaaz rite! Yesterday was POP baybay!!

(POP stands for Passing Out Parade, for all you otondos who don’t know. Again, check out pics below)

Finally, Today was our (Batch A corp members’) ‘send-forth’ ceremony at Ikolaba high school. In summary, it was a very moving event.

Well, It had to be. They gave free gifts and Ikolaba never gives free anything.

LOL, don’t mind me. You get the point.

Despite all my ranting and grumbling about Ibadan and Ikolaba (which made up a significant portion of postings on this blog), I’m really grateful I got to serve in Ibadan (redroofcity) and I will always have fond memories of people I met, things I did, and places I went.

I learnt a lot of valuable lessons including (but not limited to) these:

1. Never throw your ‘ifami’ (fetcher) into a nearly dry well except you want to fetch muddy water.

2. Never walk with black suede shoes on the streets of IB. They’ll change to reddish brown.

3. Never wear your NYSC uniform to the market . You’ll be gba-ed seriously.

4. Never speak english to a market woman. You’ll be gba-ed seriously.

5. If someone offers to sell something for 150, ask if they can collect N50. You’ll be surprised.

6. There’s really no point in taking a bus in Ibadan (except you’re into the smell of rotting food or you really hate your clothes). Bikes are almost as cheap. And twice (even thrice) as fast.

7. Except you live in Basorun, get a powerbank for your gadgets. NEPA can frustrate you – even if your surname is Ghandi.

8. For Ibadan North corpers, Mrs Ologundudu too dey ‘hale’. Yes I said it :p 😀 don’t let anybody ‘shakara’ you.

9. Never ‘do shakara’ in front of a bus or ‘okada’ on the road except you want to see God. If you think drivers in Lagos are bad, drive on Iwo road.

10. If you live in a rural area, speak english to your neighbours’ children. They’ll not understand what you’re saying but it’ll endear you to them. 🙂

11. If you ever find yourself at Iwo road ‘underbridge’ at night, cross your Ts and shine your eyes. The place is not different from the old oshodi.

12. When, you are on a queue at an ATM, farabale nicely. You’ll probably be there for a long time so make yourself comfortable.

Ok, that’s what I can remember for now…

It was such an experience that I could serve all over again

(Um….Not really, No. I most definitely can not. Just felt like saying something nice.)

Ok. So enough ranting. The point is, as of today, Ibadankopa is now Lagos ex-kopa.

Thank you soooo much for reading all the posts and for sharing in my experiences as a corper. I truly appreciate it. God bless you real big and take you to great heights.

See you at the top 😉

Meet Deb

I think one of the pluses of NYSC is that it affords one the opportunity to meet a number of people. One of these days, I will eventually get around to doing a post on the other corp members I serve with at Ikolaba – I probably will.

Today, however, I’m going to tell you about this wonderful person I recently made acquaintance with.

Meet Deb: Homo sapiens, female, tres loco, tres cool.

So I met Deb at the NYSC CD (community development) meeting venue about 2 months ago. I guess collective anger brought us together as we were both upset that the CD meeting did not hold and we couldn’t get to sign our CD cards. After getting past the anger part, we got talking and what attracted me to her was not her beauty (which she’s got plenty of, by the way), it was the intelligence with which she spoke.
I should also mention that she dresses well. She may not be a lady Gaga kind of fashionista, but her clothes fit perfectly, and oh, does she wear pretty bracelets or what?
But I digress.
So we exchanged contacts and kept in touch.

I recently met up with her again, this time at a CD meeting that held. We spoke more, at length, and after CD, she gave me a tour of her PPA. She teaches (computer) at Ikolaba Grammar School, me, High School.
I was surprised to find that her school had a computer lab with real computers. My students probably don’t even know what a desktop PC looks like. Again, I digress.

After the tour, we chilled in the Lab. Did I mention she bought coke for me? Yep, she bribed into writing this eulogizing post. 😀
While she may not seem extroverted at first glance, she is definitely fun-loving and is someone who would be very crazy around her friends. (The way she crosses her eyes, ehn? Very inane. LOL. And the way she kept tapping me with her cane makes me sure she’s probably never flogged her students before).
Not minding the Juju music that the computer lab administrator was blaring, we had our own rap and singing session (which she failed to record for the fear that I may use it to blackmail her in the future. She was probably right).

I totally had fun hanging out with Deb (Did I mention we measured heights?). She’s a really awesome person and even more awesome when she’s your friend :p (Although she calls me Hyco Labs, this rather razz and uncool nickname I unwittingly brought upon myself).

I just though y’all should meet Deb, one of the reasons I’m glad I got to serve in Ibadan.

Thank you for reading.

See as man resemble fefugee. chai.

Can you spell, Ikolaba?

On Wednesday, I organised a spelling bee (competition) at Ikolaba High School.

The thought crept into my head on tuesday and I decided to give it a shot. It happened that I had already finished marking scripts and was pretty jobless. The students too.

So I told the VP (on wednesday), who directed me, at once, to the Principal. No sooner had I told the principal of my idea and of the prizes, than she jumped at it. Next thing I knew, we went out (’cause it was already time for assembly) and there was an announcement: “One of our Dynamic and ever-active corpers, corper Dolapo, has decided to organise a spelling bee for our senior secondary students oh. You see he is already a philanthropist in the making”, an announcement which was stifled by rapturous applause.
And it was fixed right there and then. LOL.
“The venue is the school hall, and it is taking place at 11am. First prize is N2000, 2nd Prize- N1000, and 3rd prise, 500. There will also be consolation prizes.”

It was all too fast. Thank God I had already made plans and I had prepared a word-list of about 700 words.

With the help of some students, I was able to set up the place and get everything ready before 11. At the set time though, only about 10 students showed up. I was dazed. Didn’t anyone want to win money? It turned out they were more interested in the football match. I hadn’t thought about that.

Luckily, the match ended at 11:30am, and when it was over, everyone decided that the spelling bee was the next centre of attraction so we got even more people than anticipated. About 250 people showed up with about 100 of those wrote their names on their list of participants. I was assisted by Dare and Jamiu, fellow corp members, and the two School I VPs also graced the event.

The event was in different stages. Initially, you got called according to what number your name was on the list and you had to select a number from 1 – 490 and spell the word you got. People passed this stage very quickly because the words were quite easy. They had to spell words like: Technical, Teeth, Yolk, Weight and so on. They didn’t know I was only trying to be nice. Na so e easy to win money 😀

The next stages were not so easy. We finally made our way from the initial 100 students, through five stages of increasing difficulty, to 4 finalists. At this point I was rooting for the headgirl of School I (where I serve) because she never had to correct herself -not even once- while spelling in the previous stages. The finalists had to spell words like: Demagoguery, Triskadekaphobia, Ampullaceous, Daguerreotype, Ichthyophagist and so on, to clinch the prize.

If you’re surprised that an Ikolaba High School student could spell any of those words, you’re not alone. An underdog, this unknown guy from commercial class in SS3 (School I) ended up winning. Second and Third positions went to two girls from School II, who, though weren’t invited, decided to do ‘mogbo-moya’.
My dear headgirl came fourth. But she tried so well that I had to give her something. Guess she just had tough luck choosing only the hardest words.

I also gave consolation prizes such as exercise books, pens and so on, to some students depending on what stage they got to.

I’m really sorry there are no pics as I didn’t plan to post this initially and I only did this as an after-thought. However, if I’m able to get pics from some of the people present I will update later.

Thank you for visiting. Hope you enjoyed the post. Please leave your comments. 🙂

Night out

Today, After church, I got home and stayed indoors for most of the day.
I had the chance of seeing a nikkah procession (muslim marriage) as the bride and groom walked along the street to their car. Heard from the grapevine (Aunty) that the bride just finished from Bishop Philips Academy.

Later, after getting thoroughly bored, I decided to borrow a novel from Uncle John. He couldn’t find any in his stack, but decided to give me a play instead. Our Husband Has Gone Mad Again, by Ola Rotimi. (I’ve always wanted to read that play). It was a very interesting read with wonderful use of pidgin and vernacular parlance throughout the play. I particularly love the way it ended with Liza consolingly embracing Lejoka-Brown (after all her shakara), and Sikira taking up her former husband’s position. A perfect ending. 🙂

Around 7:30, I decided to visit the night market in my area for the first time. I was stunned when I got there. It was shocking because on a Sunday night, it was more crowded than computer village in Lagos would normally be on a monday morning. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry. Even those selling stuff.
I struck up a converstion in hausa with a suya seller (yeah, I know hausa :D) and the guy started blushing. Things turned sour when the suya he cut for me turned out to be two hundred naira instead of one hundred. I guess I need to update the version of my hausa.
I ended up wandering about the market looking at all the kerosene lamps and LED lights and stuff. In the end, I bought lots of bananas, fried fish, roasted corn and suya. Guess I tended toward tastebud titillation.
On my way back from the night market, where I was walking Jeje, I witnessed two okadas collide. They were facing themselves. (only in Ibadan mehn :D). In fairness though, it was dark and the roads were bad. It was just two funny. Trust them na, a brawl started sharp sharp, with each party claiming the other one was blind. (But seriously, how two okadas facing themselves collide? With all that space on the road?) It was too funny o. I had to leave sharp sharp sha because it was late and I couldn’t watch the drama unfold.

I’m sorry, there’re no pics. I didn’t take my phone because I wasn’t sure what the market was like (if you know what I mean).

Thanks for visiting!

Mr Price? Mr Expensive.

Normally, I hate saturdays in Ibadan. I deliberately wake up late on saturdays as if wishing the day to magically transform to sunday.
On saturday mornings in Ib, I do laundry (ok ok, Washing. Laundry ko, laundry ni) and I REALLY HATE WASHING. Then the rest of the day just goes on like that – boring and uneventful.

Today was different.

Today, I decided I wasn’t gonna get up from my bed till 1pm. Yep, 1pm.
At 10am, Mama had already come to knock on my door to check me. Uncle John too had come previously. I ignored them both. (Native Ibadan folk are so caring that their noses always have to be kilometers deep in your business.)

At 12pm, Mama’s grandchildren decided to check on me. I tried ignoring them too. When they nearly broke down the door, I had to answer. It turned out that they wanted to watch a movie. I felt I didn’t have time for that nonsense and tried shooing them. They didn’t budge. At last, I gave in and decided to play a movie (Forgotten Kingdom) for them on my Laptop, while I went downstairs to wash my stuff. I instructed them not to touch a single thing in the room, and I left.

At 2pm, after washing the clothes, I returned to my room.
Apart from disconnecting all the extension cables and turning the room upside-down (which I was expecting), I found out that my Laptop had been shutdown. Upon restarting, I noticed someone had taken the liberty of helping me redecorate my desktop GUI, and also rearranged the icons on my taskbar. LOL.
I also noticed a conspicuous black stain on Nife’s white shirt. When I asked what happened, he said he sprayed “pafoom” on it. The “pafoom” turned out to be my shoe-spray (I remember taking taking a picture of this, but can’t seem to find it now. So sorry 😦 but it really happened). I wanted to give him a clean slap diagonally across the diameter of his round face, but I instantly felt sorry for him. I realized at once what Mama would do to him for staining his white shirt. I decided to send them both away before any more havoc could be wreaked.

So after washing, instead of staying bored, I decided to go out and see a movie (for the first time in Ibadan), so I took a bike from Iwo road to Dugbe. Yep, a bike. On the way, YESO! Officers stopped my bike man because he didn’t properly register, or something (btw, I’ve started seeing this YESO! Guys a lot o! I even saw them yesterday at the secretariat. Could the gods be sending me a message?) Ok, so I got down and helped the bike man beg. When I flashed my NYSC Id card, that did the magic and they let us go. I felt like a boss 😀 and even thought the bike guy would waive the fare or at least, reduce it. I bet it didn’t even cross his mind.

So I got to the Mr Price building. The place is ok. There were a few shops here and there (including a Mr Price outlet). It was a nice environment. Looked more like a dating centre than a shopping mall to me, though. Guys were seriously chyking girls (beautiful and not-so-beautiful, tall and short, thick and thin) at every corner. You can imagine how it must have felt to go there alone. 🙂 anyway, most of the people there were teenagers sha, so no shaking. The ‘Filmhouse’ only shows old films sha. I decided to watch the movie “Baggage Claim” which was just starting. It was supposed to be a RomCom.

The cinema was actually moderately populated sha. People dey try to for IB o.
I didn’t really enjoy watching the movie though, not because the movie was bad, but because the people in the cinema kept laughing at every little thing (funny or not) and the guys at the back gave me enough unwanted commentary (imagine yoruba commentary on an American film: “eeeheh, o ma tun kiss eleyi sha”, “o ti like okunrin ju”, “ma lo jare” “boy yen de like e o”………).

After the movie, I bought something to eat from a restaurant around and decided to go window-shopping (This probably was a bad idea because I ended up spending three times what I initially planned to spend).

When I got home, around 7:20pm, Ayo had helped me pack all my clothes from the line. The only problem was, they were all still wet! The life!

Thank you for reading.

Check out pics below:

inside the cinema

Guest Post: Experiences of an Ilorin Kopa (Kwara State)

*This post is by a serving corps member in Kwara State.

Enjoy.
———————————————————

Having finished from the university of Ibadan, and knowing the people that I know, I never thought I’d be posted to anywhere but Lagos or Oyo state (or New York, if you are allowed to serve outside ‘blessed’ motherland). News flash, I was posted to (spits word out) Jigawa. Like really! How many of you guys even remember that state unless reciting the state and capital (those are states you even miss out while reciting).
Camp life was however wonderful, (rolls eyes) I have decided to only see d positives, and not the killer sun, and the lack of good, quality garri, and lack of cold water; the list runs on. But at least I met Omolayo after a handful camp flings #winks and also got to be closer with a colleague from school that hitherto was a ‘hi’ pal and also (scratches head to think of something nice to say about camp), well just manage those two.
I decided to redeploy back to Oyo state not minding the ‘goodness’ of Dutse. Nysc however showed me it’s not my ‘decision’ to make by deflecting me to Kwara instead (rolls eyes). That, my people, is the worst thing anyone can do to you, compelling you to live in kwara.
First of all (listens for choruses of ‘go down low’), Ilorin is hotter than Dutse to my own assessment, and this city is not shy to show it. Also, the garri here is worse, yes I said it, bite me, in fact, it’s ‘worst’ than Jigawa’s and Jigawa’s garri is 3 part sand 1 part garri (hard to beat shey? Tot so too). Another thing about this town is the sick transportation system. Let’s assume points A and E are on a straight line, and points B, C and D are in between, like the rough sketch I made. Anywhere you drop is 50 naira, so if you drop on your way home ten times, you are paying 500 naira even if it’s like from Ojoo to UI. This fact reduces the tendency of you dropping on your way home to visit friends I swear. IbadanKopa is always looking for new and more poetic ways of dissing my dear federal republic of Ibadan, but I’ll gladly trade place with him and even pay him my 19.8 thousand monthly if he agrees to the deal. I was not paid my allowee for my first four months in Ilorin, my ppa (govt day junior sec sch, Tanke) does not pay any corper and the state government doesn’t seem to know we exist. So, in your free period, whilst you lie on your bed (or mat ‘no discrimination here) think of how NYSC expected me to survive with absolutely nothing for 4 months and I compulsorily went to PPA and CDS o. That aside, NYSC kwara also has the most gruesome, cruel and time consuming clearance method, coupled with the fact that the clearance day is not fixed ( impromptu), I guess you see that here is fun (close to tears).
Despite all these sha, Ilorin is just 2hrs from home (leaving that statement ambiguous so I go fit defend am with NYSC). And also, just got this game house with the hi-pal friend I told you of, who was also redeployed here (instead of the Ekiti that he chose). We have PS2 and table soccer (foosball) and just today, 2parents have been here to beat their wards out (evil people; they are hampering sales). A teacher also came to say we shouldn’t let students in (I just did my ‘moju’ you don’t pay me in school and you still expect me to send customers away), for my mind I was like come and carry me and send them now. Small time principal will be asking how the students leave school during school hours, see our school second gate and fence after the cut and your guess is as good as mine.
Well, lemme drop my loving pen (as una dey call am when writing love letters; I know). And by the way, the pen is about the only thing the school has given me. I blog from xgentleman.wordpress.com please drop by and inspire me to write more. And if you guys need more details about Ilorin, paste a comment, will gladly reply, especially to the to-be-posted new corpers (I pray you get lucky enough not to come here). Kisses and kisses again #winks.

I hope Ibadankopa leaves the kisses part o,’Eye arm ear toe half fun and he nose’

Check out pics below:

( Click HERE to view more blog posts)

Wandering

So today I had cause to go to the state secretariat.
(Thank God those YESO!, or more correctly, OYES! Guys didn’t come again yesterday.)
So, as I was saying, I had cause to go the state secretariat today, and insatead of ‘biking’, I decided to trek back and take in the calmness and serenity of the environment.

My conclusion: Ibadan people too like ‘flower’.

(Some people were yabbing me after I posted some pics of the cut grass yesterday. The said my house in a village o! I took the liberty of taking a pic of a road to the state secretariat. If you see the forest ehn??)

Thanks for visiting, as always!

Check out pics below:

see them chilling and feeling fly in their starched-hard-like-crackers uniforms.

na bush be this o!

this was supposed to be the National lottery office. The sharp workers converted it to their house.

this is a forest o! on the way to the secretariat. walking here alone is super scary.

The YESO! Invasion

First, I would like to thank God for always blessing every single one of my days in Ibadan with humour. I shudder to think of what could have happened had boredom gotten the better of me.
Now to the story of the day.
On tuesday, after returning from school (around 2pm), I didn’t meet anyone at home. Now, I have 7 co-tenants (as in, 7 different families) and a landlady (mama), so you must understand the strangeness of not meeting anyone at home. No Iya Ayo or Mama Favour (the full-time housewives who are always busy chatting), no Lara or Labake (lazy students whose schools are perenially on break). Not even Aunty?? And aunty is never far away from her recharge card kiosk in front of the house.
What was happening?
My first thought was that the local health center was distributing free mosquito nets (again) or some other free stuff. But then, Mama Bolu was washing in the next compound (and mama Bolu never misses free stuff). I assumed hunger was what was affecting my cranial capacity. Maybe I was imagining things. So I ate. When I got even more confused, I did what I do when I get confused – I slept.
Around 5pm, I was roused from sleep by the noise of some people shouting. I felt relieved that my co-tenants were around. Perhaps I was imagining stuff afterall.

But this shouting was louder than normal (yep, shouting is normal where I live).
I went downstairs, only to see Uncle John shouting too. Now, uncle John is a very pleasant man who never insults anyone. When uncle John didn’t return my salutations, I knew that stuff just got real.
What could the matter be? After intense prodding, I found out that YESO! guys ( Environmenral sanitation officers similar to KAI in Lagos) had come to arrest everyone at home that morning and that they were presently on bail. (Mehn, I was seriously praising God for not letting me miss school that day)
I found out that the cause of the problem was a bush growing beside the compound. Apparently, the YESO! Guys thought the bush harboured pests or some other dangerous stuff and they arrested them for letting the bush grow to such levels. As they were ranting and lamenting, all I could say was “e pele o!” “Ah, eeya, o ma se o!”, “this people are just wicked, kilode?!” (And I was laughing inside o! God forgive me.)
Trust Yoruba people, they started ‘swearing for’ all their ‘bad belle’ neighbours who went to report them to YESO! Azzin seriously conc. curses.
When I suggested that we contribute money to pay people to cut the grass, they looked at me like I had just insulted Shango. I heard murmurs of “awon alakowe yi sha…”.
I learnt Mama (the landlady) wasn’t arrested, but she had to part with N1,500.
The next day (Wednesday), the house was almost deserted. Lol, everyone had vanished. Me sef lock up for inside.
If not for my stupid noise-making fan, Uncle John may not have known I was inside. Anyways, he started banging on my door and said we should go and cut grass. Even though I had never cut grass in my life, I obliged. How hard could it be? (Nor be just to hold cutlass and swing the thing? :D) Anyway, I assisted where I could. Iya Ayo and Mama Favour also hoed here and weeded there. Only four of us worked that day. Everyone was mysteriously absent. Even mama who always came by 6:30am came by 3pm. Well, I did what little I could and went back to my room. (Mi o le waku).
So, I learnt from uncle John yesterday, that the YESO! Guys would return today to inspect the environment.
So Today, I woke up extra early this morning for CDS (the early worm catches the fattest bird. Yep, I think that’s how it goes). No harm in going early. After CDS sef, I decided to go to school. The VP said I could go home, I told her I wanted to give my students extra notes. Yep, I don’t want them to lag at all. I’m serious like that. School closed by 2pm, I stayed till 3:30 explaining some things to some serious students. Yep, I’m serious like that.
Nothing interesting really happened in school today, except when I tried explaining the function of the nucleus in the cell. I said the nucleus controlled all the functions of the cell and I asked sodeeq to tell me the organ in his body that controls all his body’s activities. He said his… (Well, I won’t say what he said here.) and he was dead serious. Mehn, the whole class erupted. I was like 😮 ??? Are you serious? I was as surprised then, as you are now.
An SS1 boy o!

PS: I don’t know yet if the YESO! People visited today. Will update you later.

Thank you for visiting 😀
Check out the pictures of cut grass below. (I apologize for the poor quality. Crappy network didn’t allow higher quality uploads)

Guest post: “Work” as an Eko Kopa.

I am an Eko kopa. *pausing for the wave of distaste and beef to subside*. Having judged me, may I state for the record that I actually went to Sokoto state for three weeks of orientation (or hell, whichever word you prefer), during which I was labelled wayward by everyone at camp, for having my BB stolen (injury+insult, a wonderful combo). Alas, I digress. If that doesn’t soften your heart however, I, dear reader, judge YOU.

For all intents and purposes, I “work” at Eti-osa LGA III. “Work” is leaving home with the intention of getting to the office early enough to sign in, which ends at 11am.

In LGA lingo, this means you should arrive before the person with the attendance book. Thus, 12:30 is sometimes before 11am. Time warping. Intriguing stuff.

You’re also required to have at least ten signatures (i.e ten days you came to “work”) between the 7th and somethingth of the month to qualify for having your clearance signed.

As you can see, I haven’t really memorized the constitution because I have a super weapon. *Cue music and fog* *narrator’s voice* ” Enter Mr Osifo. The 4 ft plus Colossus that strides the pot holed and wooden walled grounds of the local government with confidence, sending corps members cowering when he speaks to escape his wrath and spittle”

Favoured corpers like yours truly (who coincidentally doesn’t have an office) are considered worthy to seat in the revered wooden sanctum that is his office and compare our phones, tidbits of gossip,and plans for world domination.

Those who aren’t as lucky have to go to their own offices to sleep till its two o’ clock; sign-out time. Unlike those of us in the hub, they don’t get to watch day after day,doughnut after doughnut from the jolly Ms Doe, Mr Osifo flaying some poor corper who dares to come seeking a request letter, or other favor.

They’re not fit for the honorable task of laughing at all Mr Osifo says, because it’s far easier to just laugh than having to search your heart for which were actually funny, thus risking his wrath. We get the opportunity of pitying the naive or stingy ones who commit the taboo of forgetting to “see” him after allowee has been paid.

Thus serve us our country, day by day, the coveted children of the government. Now I must get back to “work”.

Thank you for reading, thanks to Dolapo for having me, I’m honored. I blog lots more drivel at hapygypsy.blogspot.com . Drop by and drop a comment, Merci.

A Day In Service

Today was fun. So many things happened. It was, in other words, marked by a cornucopia of events.

Sit back, relax and read 🙂

First, I received a call from an “Engineer Makinde” who is “working in Chevron”. Engineer Makinde barely spoke English, even when I replied in english, speaking Yoruba (with an Ibadan accent) the entire time). He tried to remind me of how we used to live together in the same area (even going as far as telling me my home address) and he asked if I was still looking for a Job. He asked if I still lived in Lagos, to which I responded, “No Sir, mo ti relocate, o ma se o”. He asked whether I could come to Lagos or whether “Arab Contractors” should come to Ibadan to meet me. (I thought you said Chevron Sir.) I asked Engineer Makinde the colour of my house, to which he responded that he had forgotten. I told him I would consider his generous proposal and that I was very grateful.
My guess is that my information leaked from the NYSC Secretariat.
In any case, if you’re looking for a Chevron job, you can call Engineer Makinde on 07044774443.

While still convalescing from the ‘intense excitement’ of the chevron offer, the VP in Ikolaba High came to meet me where I sat, jobless and able to receive phonecalls, in the Library and told me that my students (SS1) had resumed and that I was to teach them at once! I had to move around with the students (about eleven), first in search of a class, then in search of chairs and tables.
We finally got to it and I introduced them to the wonders of Biology. I had missed this stuff (teaching). It felt so good. The students were giving examples and we were bonding and laughing and stuff. In the new Oyo state curriculum, only science students are allowed to take biology classes. After the class I got to know that only 2 (out of the eleven present) were registered as science students. About 5 came to meet me to ask how they could change. I directed them to the VP. Yep, I’m that cool, your boy still got it. 😀
The only bad part in the lectures today was when I decided to ask Taoheed (who had been listening intently and smiling and laughing along with others) a relatively simple question, and he couldn’t answer. I asked again and he kept staring at me and nodding as if I was explaining something to him. It was only after a few minutes that Emeka put me out of my misery and explained to me that Taoheed didn’t understand english. Oh well!
Closing time came and I wanted to take a bike, then I saw the VP going home in her car. Now, you must understand that the VP had never offered to drop me off and today I was just so tired. I vexed and decided that wherever this VP is going, I must enter this her car. If ‘worse comes to worst’, I ‘ll drop at Idi-ape. So, I asked for a lift and she obliged.
Funny enough, the VP lives at Iyana-Church, Very Very close to where I stay. She sha dropped me off at Bishop Phillips Academy, and I ‘found my square root’ from there. (I don see free ride for every day now 😀 )

From Bishop Phillips, I trekked home. On Molade road, I saw two Bishop Phillips students stop on the road and they started deliberating on an issue frnatically. It turned out that one of the two had just sighted a N20 note on the floor and was contemplating picking and ‘accepting the gift of God. The scenario reminds one of a particular dance drama.
The other student held the first by the shoulder and tried explaining how the money was ‘Owo Ileya’ and advised him against taking it. The adviser stressed the fact that the money was “Kako”-ed (squeezed) and that if it was actually misplaced, it would be straight and smooth. I left them there sha.
It was not surprising that they did not notice me listening in on their conversation the entire time because they were transfixed on deliberating about whether or not to pick up the money.

That was how my day went. Hope yours went well too.

Thank you for reading. Please drop your comments. 🙂